Contentment

I had asked a guy I know what he looks for in a friend, and part of his response was, “the gift of quiet, or of quietness, like Birkin in A Month in the Country.”

As with a lot of things he writes to me in his letters, I felt drawn to look into Birkin and his need for quiet, maybe in hopes of understanding this guy I know better. In actuality, it’s probably a lost cause, but still I have hope, and so I discovered that Birkin is the main character in a short book by J. L. Carr and that he’s a veteran of the Great War (WWI) on the British side. And while it’s not explicitly stated, you know that he was dramatically affected by his time fighting.

I thought I would share a passage from the book with you.

In looking back at the summer he spent in the countryside following the war, Birkin had this to say,

“I had a feeling of immense content and, if I thought at all, it was that I’d like this to go on and on, no-one going, no-one coming, autumn and winter always loitering around the corner, summer’s ripeness lasting for ever, nothing disturbing the even tenor of my way.”

Having spent 60 pages already with Birkin by the time this appeared, I could feel the power of it. I tried to remember the last time I felt that way. If there was even a last time. Nothing came to mind.

are we being played?

Do you ever wonder if the marketing gurus from all the stores around the country (or world) get together and decide what item they're gonna get us to want, all the while making us believe it was all our idea? Like a conspiracy of sorts?

Take interior decorating, for instance. All of a sudden, people won't even consider buying a house if it doesn't have granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, and hardwood floors. Where did that trend come from?

Then there are the clocks. When I first spotted this wall of clocks in a downtown store in the city I live, I thought it was just the owner's creativeness that came up with the idea. I fell in love with it, and every time I passed by their window, I kept thinking, I should try to recreate that in my apartment.

A couple months passed by, with me not acting on that impulse, when I got a Martha Stewart Living catalog in the mail. And what should I come across while flipping through the pages? A wall of clocks, of course.

That's it, I decided, I'm really gonna do this! And lo-and-behold, what do I see at my local Home Goods store the next time I'm there but the clock from Martha's catalog that stood out the most to me, the big, squarish one you see in the bottom-right of the above picture, and for less than a quarter of the price. I had to have it!

When I first spotted the display in the downtown window a year or two ago, the clock department in most stores was minisqueul. After all, with everyone carrying around cell phones, playing on computers, and cooking in microwaves, all with built-in clocks, who needs one for the wall? They seemed a thing of the past, and ready to disappear from the face of the planet.

Now, if you look, clocks are making a big comeback. They're everywhere, taking up whole walls, even in places like Target. Obviously, other people besides me were brainwashed into believing they all of a sudden liked clocks and should start decorating with them.

Oh, well, brainwashed or not, I'm still going forward with my wall of clocks. And this is what it looks like so far. Sure hope I don't have to punch too many more holes in the wall before I'm finally satisfied with the placement of them. Otherwise, I'm really not gonna get any of my security deposit back when I move out of this place.

Soooo, what else have you seen that follows the same theme? What's something that wasn't even a thought in people's heads a year or two ago that now everyone seems to have to have?

will have to think of one

bullies of all ages

Man, you can't even get away from bullies at the ripe old age of 50!

Last Saturday, I went line dancing with a couple of the ladies from my class. After a little adventure trying to find the hotel where the dance was being held, we had a blast. We were even left laughing hysterically after some woman with foot-high, teased-up hair came over after one of the dances and told us we should've been back in the corner if we didn't know the dance yet. We thought she was joking at first, but then when we figured out she was dead serious, we were too stunned to say anything back to her, because everyone else had been so welcoming. One guy even took us out in the hallway to teach us two dances so that we'd be ready when those songs came on. Anyway, we got laughing when I remembered the famous line from Dirty Dancing, "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." And so, now we're ready with a comeback if that lady bully should ever come after us again. Just hope I can keep a straight face when I say it.

Who ya gonna call?

I've been listening to a new Podcast, Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend, and even though she's only three episodes in, I already feel a kinship with her views on things.

For instance, Alison, who, although dating a guy, lives on her own, and she was saying how she feels alone and like she hasn't groomed her friendships right by the fact that she doesn't have people in her life that she feels comfortable asking for help picking up furniture. And if you listen between the lines, you can almost hear her saying that it's embarassing to come right out and tell the sales clerk that she has to pay for delivery, because it's like she's basically saying, she's got no friends.

I can sooooo relate to that. I purposely ordered my new bed online just so that I could avoid that feeling, or at least, not have any sales person be a witness to it.

And it's not just furniture. Think of all the times you can use a little help, but add the fact that you're single, and you feel like you're putting someone out by asking for their assistance.

Dropping your car off for service. A doctor's appointment, where you have to take some pain medication and can't drive yourself home. Your boss wants you to work late or take a trip, but you have a dog that needs attending to. It's 2 o'clock in the morning, and your car broke down on the side of the road. Etc. Etc. You get the picture.

As for me, it's not that I don't have people I can call, because I do. It's that it feels like an imposition to do so. But that's on me. And sometimes, I've just had to get past that, because I had no other choice.

At least with funiture stores, I have the choice and can avoid the ask.

catching up

Well, it's been awhile, so I thought I had better post something. So, here's a little of this and that...

About a year ago, I moved into the downstair's unit of the duplex where I live. I was so looking forward to the bigger rooms and hardwood floors. Though, I was a little disappointed when my landlord made it part of the lease agreement that I would have to cover up the majority of those floors with carpet to protect it from my dog's nails. Now, I'm kinda glad he did. Do you know how much of a pain it is to keep hardwood floors clean? Between me and the dog, we're always dragging something in to mess them up.

Well, earlier this week, I purchased a microfiber dust mop that's about 18" wide, and you wouldn't believe how much more fun it is to clean now that I have one. I'm tellin' you, I couldn't wait to run home and start cleaning, and it didn't just end with the dusting of floors. It motivated me to do a really thorough cleaning. And this from a woman who hates, hates, hates cleaning. That's what happens when you finally get the right tool for the job.

Another thing I did this week was buy the metal bed I've been eyeing for the past several months while I've been paying off the mattress & box spring I bought last year. It's amazing how much more enjoyable it is climbing into a real bed, instead of a mattress that's lying directly on the floor. I feel like a princess with how high it is.

And the last thing I did this week, if you don't count sitting on my arse watching the Oscars, was take a page out of Dragon Lady's book and cook something from what was left in my refrigerator. I made carrot soup, using this recipe I found on allrecipes.com. It was pretty darn good. In fact, if I kept eating it the way I wanted to, I wouldn't have had any leftovers for tomorrow night's dinner.

So, that's what I've been up to. How about you?

Turning 50

Shouldn’t you have a say in how you want to celebrate your 50th birthday?

I was talking with my closest friend today, and I told her, “Hey, listen, if my family should get in touch with you, asking for your help in throwing me a surprise 50th Birthday Party, don’t.” And I was dead serious. She didn’t agree with my feelings behind it, but she did promise that even though she didn’t that she would follow my request.

It has nothing to do with being depressed because I’m getting so old. It really doesn’t bother me that I am. It’s more that having lived this long, I’m finally ready to accept who I am deep down in my core, and one of the things I am is not a party person. I hate them. Always have. And being the center of one? Even worse. I feel like a trapped animal.

Oh, sure, I can fake it, pretend like I’m having a good time, but why should I have to, especially if it’s, like in this case, where it’s supposed to be something that’s “celebrating” me. A party is not me, and if they ignore my request and throw one anyway, it’s like they are saying they don’t even know me. Don’t know the things that really bring me joy. Or don’t care. Or just want to do what they find fun.

I’ve heard of women who chose to celebrate their 50th birthday by taking their family and closest of friends on a getaway, paying for all the expenses themselves. I truly love that idea, because they are going somewhere they love, with the people they love and who they want to share it with. What more could be better?

While I don’t have the resources to do something that elaborate, I could afford to do something locally. And really, celebrating my 50th year by going hiking on the Appalachian Trail with my niece and nephew is a perfect example of what I mean. But I know the majority of my family and friends would balk at the idea of joining us on that hike. So, I plan on doing something a little simpler and easier on their bodies, like maybe rent a trolley and take a couple hour tour someplace nearby.

Anyway, if I’m going to get my family’s buy-in on this, I’m gonna have to do a preemptive strike. Set it all up now for a couple months away, then send everyone an invitation immediately to my own way of celebrating my birthday.

Either that or leave the country for a year to avoid a surprise party at all costs.